It's not a hot take to say that hockey nicknames, by in large, are the most boring, god-fucking-awful, in all of sports. Granted there are a few good ones out there (McJesus) but overall the nicknames these days are dumb and unoriginal ("Big Z" or “Kane-r,” how fucking creative). Let's change that right now; I demand better nicknames. Now let me start with some fresh ones for some players that you may be familiar with.
Sidney Crosby and Jake Guentzel:
Now I know people will say it’s blasphemy to call Crosby anything other than “Sid the Kid,” but he’s a grown man. Calling a grown man a kid just seems preposterous. If there’s a “kid” out of the two, it’s most certainly Guentzel but he’s 23. That’s legally an adult last time I check.
As far as I can tell, the young blond doesn’t have a real hard and fast nickname established. Let me be the first to suggest one; Hansel. Not the fairy tale kid who escapes an evil witch in the woods, but the stylish Owen Wilson character from the 2001 classic Zoolander. This nickname came, like a lot things with the Pens, from Crosby who, henceforth, shall be referred to as “Zoolander.”
Blue Steel
If we’re being honest with ourselves, the resemblance is uncanny. I can see it now, Sidney “Zoolander” Crosby, with those luscious lips, striking the Blue Steel pose as he strutting toward the bench after serving up a saucy backhander to Jake “Hansel” Guentzel.